


Cake and Too

by spacemonkey



Category: Friends
Genre: Crack, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-03 23:26:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2892002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacemonkey/pseuds/spacemonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chandler has to know what's in the closet. Based on the episode TOW The Secret Closet. Crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cake and Too

**Author's Note:**

> This was written back in 2006.

Chandler struggled with Monica's tools, trying not to think about the fact that his wife had tools and he didn't. It wasn't weird, not at all.

"Damn closet," he muttered, glaring at it before resuming his attempts of getting the door off. He had to. He had to know.

Why would she keep it locked, why?

Not because of Richard and bugs, as Joey had so wonderfully suggested. There had to be another reason.

Maybe she was testing him? Maybe she wanted him to lose his credit card?

He glared spitefully at the door again, knowing he  _had_ to open it. Not just because of the need to, but because…

Well, he needed his credit card.

But there had to be a reason.

Maybe she kept porn in there?

Girl on girl porn?

Chandler stopped, a stupid grin covering his face. He quickly shook his head.

No, that was stupid.

It'd be hot though.

Maybe it was guy on guy porn?

"Ew," he muttered to himself, then let out a cry as the door suddenly came loose. "Yeah, baby!" He pulled it away, set it against the wall, then turned to see what was inside.

"Richard?" Chandler gasped in shock. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I think I should ask you the same question!"

"…What!"

"You know you're not allowed in this closet!"

"Oh, and you are?" Chandler asked shrilly. Richard frowned.

"Look, Chandler, I think it would be best if you just close the closet door and forget all about this."

"Wha- I- How the hell could I forget about this?" Chandler spluttered, face turning red. They both jumped when they heard keys rattling in the hallway. Chandler looked at Richard in horror

"I was never here," Richard said inconspicuously, before grabbing the door and slamming it shut-

"Gah!" Chandler bolted up in bed, looking around the dark room in horror. Monica stirred in her sleep and Chandler realised he had just been dreaming.

Damn Joey, putting ideas in his head. But still…

He quietly slipped out of bed, shooting a glare towards Monica. Dream or not, he was still annoyed. He had to know what was in that closet, he thought as he walked out of the bedroom,

How did Richard even fit in there?

That thought stopped him in his tracks, but then he chastised himself. Dream, just a dream, he reminded himself as he walked towards the closet.

The door was standing slightly ajar.

Chandler paused warily, flicked on the light, then stared at it for a bit longer. Monica wouldn't have left it open…right?

"Richard?" he tried a moment later, voice almost trembling. He let out an annoyed grunt at his patheticness, then grabbed the door and yanked it open.

"Oh my God!" was all he could get out before the bugs jumped at him. He let out a girlish scream and bolted, bugs crawling all over him as he left the apartment. Millions and millions of bugs.

Joey's door opened, and he peered out to find Chandler emerging from his own apartment.

"What? What's wron- Holy crap! I told you! I told you not to open the closet!"

"Get them off of me!" Chandler screamed, feeling one crawling up his leg, crawling towards his-

"Gah!" Chandler bolted up in bed, looking around the dark room in horror. Monica stirred in her sleep and Chandler realised he had just been dreaming.

He glanced over at the bedroom door, wondering if he should…

"To hell with that!"

"Chandler?" Monica asked groggily, opening her eyes to find her husband sitting up. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"Oh, you know…"

"You're not still thinking about that closet, are you?" she asked after a beat. Chandler looked at her, wide eyed.

"No, I've decided to respect my wife's privacy." He could always get another credit card.

"I thought you might," Monica said smiling. Chandler smiled back, lying down. "Night, honey."

"Night, Mon," he said, distracted, trying to figure out which was worse. Richard, or millions of bugs?

The answer was pretty simple, and Chandler knew he would need a bigger baseball bat if he ever tried to open the closet.

Richard.


End file.
